Me too!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Randomize