i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
