wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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