Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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