What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
