I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
