dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
