I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
