My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
where are my eyebrows?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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