So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
