HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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