It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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