How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
