Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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