i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
