walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
