I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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