She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
