as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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