Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
