Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
