omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
