never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
