covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
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