i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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