he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
