I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm like, not good at living.
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