stop calling my apartment porn island.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
