Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
