I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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