My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
