having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
