This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You pole danced in your parka.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
