It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
