So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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