I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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