dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
