Sry I called you an 8
we made out on top of his cat.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
