you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
