I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
