"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
