there's paper in my vomit.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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