Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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