So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
