i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
