I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
