I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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