3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize