he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
