Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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