idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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