how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
