This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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