she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
