Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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