Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
