he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
