why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
