Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
