What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
