did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
