My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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