hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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