Are we in a gay sports bar?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
