i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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