I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
