My room smells like vodka and shame
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
