Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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