i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
