UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i think i have two assholes
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
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I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
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I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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