he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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