Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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