let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
